Twitter is ruining the internet. Twitter is a free social networking and microblogging service where people who aren't important can pretend to be by writing to their imaginary audience, to send and read messages known as tweets. Girls are notorious for keeping these. On a typical site, you'll find a 17 year old girl with hundreds of links to their photos and about 5 gigs worth of text documenting everytime they took a shit, had an epiphany for taking a shit or ate something.
Here is an actual quote I happened across today : " I had the best tuna sandwich everrr! It was so great. Then I took a nap, which wasn't as great as I thought it would, my brother was being a little brat!"
So the question is : Does anybody in the universe cares about Ms. X had the best tuna sandwich? or that she took a nap which wasn't so great? I don't. Which was why I promptly deleted my cookies and history files and stopped breathing for a few seconds. The whole page goes on about how she's tired, links to her photos, links to her favourite videos etc etc etc. I can't remember the last time I need some painkillers.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
5 craziest shit morons did that we can learn from
When you think watching survival techniques on tv could actually save your life in life-threatening situations then you're a moron. We've all learn from people's mistake when we watch tv shows like Discovery channel or America's most amazing videos and we've got a good logical head on our shoulders. You should be just fine, right?
But that's like thinking you'll be good in a fight because you've watched that Ip man movie; whatever "techniques" you think you've learned are more likely to get your dumb ass killed.
Here's a couple of typical techniques we were told to do that morons actually followed :-
moron #1 In case of lightning, lie down flat on the floor
You heard it all when they say lightning doesn't strike twice on the same spot. Seeing no immediate shelter, you lay down as flat as you can, knowing that this makes you less likely a target for the lightning. You close your eyes, and think of Corbin Bleu.
This guy had the right idea.
moron #2 When on a moving train, do fuck around with your buddies.
Fuckin around on a train can be fun. After all, you don't always get to push your friends off the railroad track everyday. That's what happened to Truman Duncan. Whom had literally pissed on fate. He fell off a train and cut himself in half. He was conscious long enough to see his lower body parts being dragged half a mile away. That includes his kidney by the way. So I suppose he couldn't have managed to literally piss on fate. Fortunately for him, the railroad company decide to give him a more subtle desk job in the office where he can point a middle finger to every train that passes by.
Still the same ol Duncan we know!
moron #3 In case of venomous poison bite or sting, suck it out
Usually the first thing that comes into mind when you see a poisonous snake, you run. But after watching Discovery channel on how beautiful a snake can be, you decide to pick it up. Unfortunately it bit you hard. It looks to be a pretty vicious snake bite, in fact. Not willing to die stupidly like an animal in the forest you decide to "suck it out."
Steve Irwin back from the dead : idiot much?
The worst that could happen :- If you did had an open sore in or around your mouth, It seems that you have speed up the circulation of the poison and eventually, will get a nice dose of poison and investigators would probably leave your alibi to a suicide case.
Moron #4 In case of a bear attack, play dead
Probably the biggest moron you've ever met are the ones that think playing dead could save your life. They said playing dead PROBABLY can save your life. Not that it GUARANTEES it'll save your life. Being a moron that you are from being stumbled upon a 500pound man-eating bear, you would probably do a bad job in acting out a play dead scheme anyway.
Imagine that roaring at point blank face. Let's see you play dead to that.
Moron #5 When stranded at sea, drink your own piss
This tops it all. ...by dying. Funny thing about urine: Your body doesn't want it. That's why your body politely asked it to leave in the first place. More specifically, it's the salt in your pee that your body needs out. Salt dehydrates the body and by introducing more of it in recycling your urine, you'll dry up faster than Kevin Costner's career (Caution: Low flying zingers!)
Instead of squeezing juice out of your own salty balls, maybe you should hit up that glowing pond after all. Sure, you'll die that way too, but at least it's dignified; nobody will put "drank too much of his own piss" on your tombstone.
But that's like thinking you'll be good in a fight because you've watched that Ip man movie; whatever "techniques" you think you've learned are more likely to get your dumb ass killed.
Here's a couple of typical techniques we were told to do that morons actually followed :-
moron #1 In case of lightning, lie down flat on the floor
You heard it all when they say lightning doesn't strike twice on the same spot. Seeing no immediate shelter, you lay down as flat as you can, knowing that this makes you less likely a target for the lightning. You close your eyes, and think of Corbin Bleu.
This guy had the right idea.moron #2 When on a moving train, do fuck around with your buddies.
Fuckin around on a train can be fun. After all, you don't always get to push your friends off the railroad track everyday. That's what happened to Truman Duncan. Whom had literally pissed on fate. He fell off a train and cut himself in half. He was conscious long enough to see his lower body parts being dragged half a mile away. That includes his kidney by the way. So I suppose he couldn't have managed to literally piss on fate. Fortunately for him, the railroad company decide to give him a more subtle desk job in the office where he can point a middle finger to every train that passes by.
Still the same ol Duncan we know!moron #3 In case of venomous poison bite or sting, suck it out
Usually the first thing that comes into mind when you see a poisonous snake, you run. But after watching Discovery channel on how beautiful a snake can be, you decide to pick it up. Unfortunately it bit you hard. It looks to be a pretty vicious snake bite, in fact. Not willing to die stupidly like an animal in the forest you decide to "suck it out."
Steve Irwin back from the dead : idiot much?The worst that could happen :- If you did had an open sore in or around your mouth, It seems that you have speed up the circulation of the poison and eventually, will get a nice dose of poison and investigators would probably leave your alibi to a suicide case.
Moron #4 In case of a bear attack, play dead
Probably the biggest moron you've ever met are the ones that think playing dead could save your life. They said playing dead PROBABLY can save your life. Not that it GUARANTEES it'll save your life. Being a moron that you are from being stumbled upon a 500pound man-eating bear, you would probably do a bad job in acting out a play dead scheme anyway.
Imagine that roaring at point blank face. Let's see you play dead to that.Moron #5 When stranded at sea, drink your own piss
This tops it all. ...by dying. Funny thing about urine: Your body doesn't want it. That's why your body politely asked it to leave in the first place. More specifically, it's the salt in your pee that your body needs out. Salt dehydrates the body and by introducing more of it in recycling your urine, you'll dry up faster than Kevin Costner's career (Caution: Low flying zingers!)
Instead of squeezing juice out of your own salty balls, maybe you should hit up that glowing pond after all. Sure, you'll die that way too, but at least it's dignified; nobody will put "drank too much of his own piss" on your tombstone.
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